Wanker – The Total Wanker

Wanker - The Total Wanker

Wanker, The Total Wanker, Wank-o Records

“You won’t touch me, so I touch myself.” Is a fitting start to The Total Wanker. For those who may be new to Wanker, they formed in the late 1980s as a parody of all the bighaired metal bands running around wearing womens lingerie and playiing stupid self-indulgent crap. They wanked around the Denver area for a number or years before disappearing into the growing expanse of quickly forgotten mediocrity that swallows up most local acts. They recently reformed and, with a few of the surviving original members, started playing out because they have this big stack of CDs in the garage that they just can’t bring themselves to throw away. They have commited to retiring once and for all after they unload all those discs on the public. The CD has a whopping 23 tracks of mostly crappy, yet ***** hilarious numbers. Big A.T. poses the question: “Why do ugly girls have big ass tits?” Cheap Debbie (“not much to pay for a roll in the hay”) sounds suspiciously like a Brethren Fast tune. Frigid White Girls comes right outta the 1980s. Mother Thinks shows off guitar wanking just like old school metal. Circus In My Pants is a power rock anthem mixed with Beatles Revolution Number 9-style crap. Addiction reminds us of a number of failed realtionships with the catchiest lyrics on the whole album: “You’re fact, you’re fiction, you’re a ***** addiction.” Fake British accents ring false on I was a Teenage Ringpiece: “…I was teenage douchebag…” For extra fun, listen to the CD with a bunch of friends who grew uip in the ’80s and try to guess the 80s hair band each song was inspired by? All in all The Total Wanker is thoroughly enjoyable and horribly offensive at the same time.
Buy the ***** CD, so they can finally stop playing out! Please!
For more info please visit: www.WankerTunes.com